Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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