My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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