She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
