I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
