if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
