yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
