At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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