Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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