That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
