Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize