Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
