We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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