the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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