This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
