How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize