we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
