his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
