I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
