the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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