OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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