i don't like sucking hair
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
