so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
