no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
