im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
