never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
