Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My pussy is not your playground.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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