I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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