i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Text me some of your sweat
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