No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
