she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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