Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
