This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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