All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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