Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
