Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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