at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
