I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize