do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got inside last night via doggy door
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
