By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
