He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize