I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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