I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
