did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
