I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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