I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
