i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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