Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
