i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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