So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
