Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
