it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your cock deserves a montage
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
