I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize