God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
