i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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