I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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