I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize