So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
