Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
tell me about the eggs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
