I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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