well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
