Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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