dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
