This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
