did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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