"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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