I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
