it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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