Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
