white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
