I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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