WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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