he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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