Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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