I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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