During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
