I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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