Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
