I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize