I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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