I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
