I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
