I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
