Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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