Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
