she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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