found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
