You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize