I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She bit a glass in half.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
