If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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