I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
