why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
