i just made my gag reflex go away.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
