my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
