There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
