a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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