i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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