Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
