I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
