Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
