New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
its liver damage thursday
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
