I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A bitchslap is in order.
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