Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
