i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
