you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
