Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
