is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
