Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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