Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
