I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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