Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
